In the months after getting the diagnosis of Acute MDS in March 2024 and being told that a stem cell transplant was not an option, the reality set in for Kim and I that this battle would be one that short of a miracle would eventually take the life of my bride. Kim as she had always done previously, kept that positive attitude while also knowing the terminal nature of MDS. She persevered with such courage and optimism that will always leave me in awe. Short term, she wanted to feel well enough to have a normal Christmas with our kids and grandkids. The Lord blessed her with making this desire a reality. She was able to actually enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas and for that we were so thankful that God allowed her the stamina to do these things. One of the most difficult things was having those discussions with my bride about life after she went home to be with the Lord. In the months before her passing we had several of those hard discussions. In true Kim style, she was not concerned for herself because she knew in the end she would have ultimate victory, but she turned her concern for me and my girls. Kim had done so much throughout our whole marriage that kept or home running like a fine oiled machine, but she begin to invest a lot of time teaching me things about how things worked from the financial part, to cooking, to cleaning and just things that I suppose I had just been used to her taking care of in our marriage. Probably the most difficult conversations of those days took place in late January of last year (2025). First, she finally pinned me down to talk about her funeral. I was not prepared for this discussion, but I knew that she believed her time was short and she wanted, again, to make things easier for myself and the girls. She had taken time to plan her music, where it would be and unknown to me who would speak. I asked her who she would like to preach her funeral and she looked at me with a smile and simply responded that she would like for me to do her funeral service. As much as I would dread that day, I had no thought of telling her no. Her reasoning was based in the deep love we had for one another and like she said, “No one knows me better than you do and I also know that you will not only honor me, but more importantly will honor the Lord with your words”. Of course, I only could say yes through my tears in that moment. Looking back many times, I would not trade the opportunity to speak at my bride’s funeral for every penny of money in this world. The other difficult conversation was the one we had about her desire for me personally. She adamantly told me that when she was gone that her desire was for me to get through the grieving process and find someone else to love as I had loved her. She said one reason was that after 34 years together, she knew I would need a woman in my life to survive…lol. The other reason was that she said that she did not want me to be alone especially at our age because there was yet a lot of life to live for me and it needed to be shared with someone that would not only love me, but would be willing to be loved by me. The thought of this in that moment shook me to my core, but now I see it as one of the most loving and unselfish acts that my bride expressed to me. I will have more to share about this part of my life since her death in a later post. As we worked our way through January and early February, Kim begin to have to have more blood transfusions and more platelets infused because the MDS was more rapidly killing her red blood cells and destroying her platelets. She begin to experience severe shortages of breath because of the rate at which her red cells were being destroyed. In the early morning hours of February 17, 2025, she woke me up because her rate had become really elevated and her shortness of breath had become very severe. I knew when she asked that I call an ambulance that things were not good. She was taken to Huntsville Hospital and admitted on February 17, 2025. Of course knowing what she was dealing with, they immediately begin giving transfusions, but as the week progressed it became obvious that the MDS had progressed that even with transfusions her system could not reproduce enough red cells and platelets to be effective. Then with a glimmer of hope on Wednesday of that week, she showed a little improvement, but it was short-lived. As Thursday of that week came, things turned drastically downhill and she had to start using oxygen. It broke my heart in an inexpressible way to see my bride struggle so much to breathe. As we moved into the midnight hour of Friday morning, she asked me to help her to the restroom and then we came back to her bed and she wanted to sit on the side of the bed with me for a moment. We just sat and held each other and then she said I am hot and need a cool rag and we rang the nurse and ask for the cool rag for her forehead. We then hugged one last time, said I love you to each other and I helped her lay back down and gently gave her a kiss. I went back to my reclining chair and laid down, but then about 5 minutes later the moment I had dreaded arrived. The nurse came in and tried to wake her up and got no response. I immediately jumped up and called out to her and quickly realized that my bride was gone. The nurses and doctor immediately started CPR and actually got her back and then quickly moved her to the ICU. She, however crashed again on the way to the ICU and was placed on a ventilator. The doctor, who by the way was probably the most professional and compassionate doctor I had ever dealt with, came in and explained to me what the options looked like. One thing Kim had been adamant about was when that time came that she did not want to be kept alive with machines so we made the decision to unhook everything. By this time my family and Kim’s family had arrived and we were able to spend some final moments with Kim. Finally, at 2:15am on February 21, 2025, my bride drew her last breath and I believe based on scripture entered the presence of our Lord. I could never express the crushing of my heart accurately with words even though I knew in that moment after fighting many battles with this hellish disease, she had finally won the war and was totally healed. Of all the moments in our life that we shared together, that time just before she passed away we spent on the side of her hospital bed just holding one another and saying we loved one another is the most precious time of our life together. Precious because in so many cases people don’t get to tell a loved one they love them just before they leave this world. So many thoughts crossed my mind in the hours and days following her passing. I wondered what she was seeing, who she was seeing, what she was doing. I wondered how I would navigate life without my love and best friend. I wondered how I would help my girls and grandkids navigate this moment. After making the preparations for my brides service, the night of the visitation arrived. We were overwhelmed at the amount of people that came to pay the respects to this woman I had been honored to share life with for 34 1/2 years. The funeral director said they lost count at 600 people. The funeral day arrived and in the night before and morning of I struggled with how I would get through the service speaking at my brides funeral, but as I arrived at the church the peace that overcame me was I believe divine in nature and can not be explained in any other way, but the Holy Spirit totally enveloping me in peace that only God can give us. The funeral was beautiful. Kim wanted congregational singing and did not want it to be a drab and sad time. I believe we honored her request. I realize that I have shared a lot of details in these posts so far and especially in this post, but it was our story from beginning to end in this life. I loved my wife in a way that I believe needed to be shared to honor her and maybe offer encouragement to others that may even in this moment be living through these type things. She lived life with joy, peace, faithfulness to the Lord, undying love for her family and peace. I am thankful to our Lord that in her final moments in this old fallen world that he granted her a peaceful home going. She lived a life well lived and I believe her impact on many was great. I am definitely a better man for her being my bride and my best friend. In the weeks ahead as part of this series, I will be sharing what my life has been like since my bride went home to be with the Lord. I plan to be very transparent about the struggles, the things learned, how I have navigated this nearly past year and where I am now. As the title of these posts says. I will share about the joy, heartbreak and the joy being rediscovered. Thank you to those that have taken time so far to read these posts and those that offered encouraging words as I have written about the story of mine and Kim’s life together.
Thoughts of a Sojourner
Thoughts, Wanderings & Adventures of a Sojourner
recent posts
- A Journey of Joy, Heartbreak and Joy Rediscovered: My Bride Goes Home
- A Journey of Joy, Heartbreak and Joy Rediscovered: A New Battle Begins
- Miles that Mattered: A Recap of Road Trips 2025
- A Journey of Joy, Heartbreak and Joy Rediscovered: Valleys, Peaks and Valleys
- A Journey of Joy, Heartbreak and Joy Rediscovered: The First Battle Begins
about
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The years since October 2013 had been a roller coaster ride of peaks and valleys where Kim’s health was concerned. She had battled through two separate diagnosis’s of breast cancer and at the same time we were blessed with a few years of good health for her. She battled those first two battles with such tenacity and grace. We learned to enjoy the blessings of those cancer free years and learned to relish everyday of good health as a blessing from God. In November of 2023, things would change drastically with news that would present her greatest challenge yet. Kim begin to have some pain in one hip and in her upper right leg. A few months prior to this diagnosis she had developed a terrible infection that caused hospitalization and some scary moments due to her depleted immune system from the many rounds of chemo in the years prior, but in true Kim fashion she beat the infection, however, the next diagnosis would be news that would shake both of us. After a couple different scans, it was discovered that Kim’s cancer from 2013 had metastasized to the bones in her pelvis and right leg. Anyone that knows anything about cancer knows that when a cancer metastasizes, it means that you move from curing the cancer to managing the cancer and that it is basically a terminal diagnosis though many people live for years after their diagnosis. She immediately began 10 rounds of radiation that actually seemed to work to shrink the spots that had developed to the point that they were almost undetectable, however in early February of 2024 more spots were found and promptly treated with good results. Through these two episodes she handled it with such courage and confidence as she always had in the past. During this second dianosis and during the chemo phase she begin to start having a lot of issues with keeping her hemoglobin and platelets at a level that they should be. I made the decision to retire from UPS at the end of February 2024 after 35 1/2 years of service to the company and I am so thankful that I did because it provided opportunity to spend a lot of time together over the next year and it allowed me to care for my bride as her health would drastically deteriorate over the next year. A couple months after I retired, Kim would develop another infection that proved to be a greater challenge than the previous one she had battled. In the midst of her hospitalization and after much testing, it was discovered that she was not only battling the metastatic breast cancer, along with this infection, but she had developed Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) which is a type of blood cancer that is a precursor to Acute Myeloid Leukemia. MDS develops sometimes as a result of having a heavy load of chemotherapy especially the types of chemo that Kim had to take in order to treat and beat her first two breast cancer diagnosis’s. Everything switched at that point from being concerned with the slow growing metastatic breast cancer which at the moment was under control to trying to beat back this second terminal cancer that had developed because the life expectancy after this diagnosis was much shorter if it did not respond to treatment. She began a new treatment for MDS that involved oral chemo which turned out to be very rough on Kim. We eventually were referred to MD Anderson Hospital in Houston, TX in October of 2024 to look into the possibility of having a stem cell transplant and spent 11 days in Houston. The result and outcome of our trip did not provide the news that we hoped for as we were informed that she was not a candidate due to her secondary metastatic cancer. The reality had begin to set in that a cure or remission was likely not to be where the MDS was concerned. As a husband, I honestly was not willing to step into our new reality, but Kim being who she was accepted it with much grace and peace. I was not ready to think about life without my bride. The year 2024 proved to be a year of joy because while the ugly head of sickness and pain reared its dastardly head, Kim and I spent more time together than we had in the previous 33 years. We made many memories together and cherished everyday. Looking back, I would count it as an honor and privilege to be able to care for my bride when she was at her lowest point in her health. While many would probably say it was a sad year, and make no mistake it was a year filled with kicks to the gut figuratively speaking, it was a year that our love for one another grew more than probably in the previous 33 years because we realized how fleeting this life really is and how precious time with those we love is in this life. I would be in awe of the positive attitude, the courage, the determination, the tenacity, the toughness and grace with which Kim handled all the challenges she faced in 2024. Of course, I knew these were all character traits that she possessed, but to see them lived out in living color and share that experience with my bride was such an inspiration and still leaves me in awe. In all these challenges she kept her joy, that beaming smile and that infectious laugh. You may ask, “How?”. The answer boils down to her faith in the Lord and her knowledge that whatever the result of these diagnosis’s would be, that none of the events of our life surprises our sovereign Lord. She lived in the realm of “the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:6-7)”. In my next blog, I will share about the joy of her last Christmas and how God blessed her with some stability health wise during that last Thanksgiving & Christmas and ultimately about her final days as she would transition from this old world to the portals glory and the presence of our Lord. I ask that you pray for me as I consider what to share about those final days, hours and moments. As always my pray has been and will continue to be as I share our story, that God would be glorified, readers would be encouraged and my bride’s memory will be honored.
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To say that 2025 has been tough would be a grand understatement. Life drastically changed February 21, 2025 when my bride went to be with Lord after her long, courageous battle with cancer. In the months that have followed, I have navigated the grieving process, battled a bout of depression and in the process have made some life changes. One thing is that I have continued to work on getting healthy which was a journey that started before Kim’s passing and still continues. To date, I have lost 110 pounds, gotten my Type 2 Diabetes totally under control and have gotten off all medications except for 2 (I was taking 5 or 6 meds in January). I increased the size of my backyard garden, built a greenhouse, a chicken pen, a chicken coop and of course now have my own backyard flock of chickens. One thing that I have done a lot of this year is travel especially over the last four months of this year. I sat down this evening and figured up my travel miles for the different trips this year which actually started in April and May with a couple trips to one of my aunt’s places in middle Tennessee where she owns a cabin next to creek. As the year wore on, I made decision to officially retire again in May and then begin to plan some trips. I sat down tonight and figured up my miles traveled just on road trips and one trip that included a flight out west just last week. The miles totaled 13,426 with 12,192 of those miles coming just since the 2nd week of September…lol. My trips included the aforementioned trips to the cabin, a couple trips to pick up John Patton & Molly (my grands for those that don’t know), another trip to North Carolina to see Lillian, Brandon, John and Molly, a couple days in the North Georgia mountains, a trip to Yellowstone/Grand Teton National Park, a beach trip, a trip to Maggie Valley, NC/Smokies/Ashville, NC and finally a trip out to Lake Tahoe, NV and California. The beach trip of course was a time of just enjoying the Florida gulf coast, good food and relaxation. My goal on the other trips, including those to pick up the grands was to experience some of the great natural wonders of this great country. On the second trip to pick up the grands, I went a couple days early and stayed in the North Georgia mountains before meeting to get the kids. I quickly found out that one of the hidden gems of the southeast U.S. were the mountains of North Georgia. I spent two days just riding a lot of narrow, two lane roads taking in the beauty of those majestic mountains. A couple weeks after this, I struck out across the country in a rental vehicle to mark a bucket list trip off. I set out for Yellowstone National Park. A lot of people asked me why I didn’t fly. The answer is real simple – I wanted to experience driving across the bread basket of this great nation. I wanted to see the sprawling farms of Kansas and Nebraska. I wanted to ride through the ever changing landscape that is Wyoming (by the way Wyoming tops the list of states I have traveled through). In Wyoming , you go from prairies, to desert and then mountains. I met one of my best friends, Shane Kirby, in Jackson, WY. For a couple days, we spent time together exploring the natural beauty of Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park. The natural sites that I was able to experience were awe inspiring. From the mountains bigger than I ever imagined, the Continental Divide, the thermal pools that dotted the landscape, Old Faithful, the pristine rivers and streams, bison by the hundreds, mighty elk, bear, pronghorn antelope, eagles, gorges that seemed bottomless and waterfalls that thundered into deep canyons. After returning home, I would make a trip to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park which included staying in Maggie Valley, NC. I spent time riding across the mountains from Maggie Valley to Cherokee National Forest to Smokey Mountains National Park. Not only did I get to experience the views from the various overlooks, but was able to observe up close several herds of elk which were reintroduced to the park several years ago. In November, an unexpected opportunity came when again my friend Shane Kirby invited me out to meet him in Reno, NV and from there we would travel to South Lake Tahoe, California for 4 days. Again, this was another bucket list trip although I would fly to Reno rather than drive, but the drive and the trips in and around Tahoe and through the various passes over the Sierra Nevada Mountain Range were things that must be experienced because pictures do not compare. Places like Donner’s Pass, Mount Rose Pass, Truckee , CA, looking out over Emerald Bay, Lake Tahoe from the Mount Tallac overlook, exploring the old mining town of Virginia City, NV and even running across a wild horse which was pretty epic for this boy from Alabama. The gondola ride to the 10,000 foot summit of Mount Rose in South Lake was one of the greatest experiences in all my travels. We also were able to spend a half day on a guided fishing trip on Lake Tahoe where we filled our cooler with lake trout from the depths of Tahoe’s pristine, clear water. I could go on and on sharing each detail, but I will stop with the seemingly play by play of the trip. As I close out this blog entry, I do want to share maybe one of the greatest lessons I have learned from these travels, especially the ones out west. Some of the greatest joys from the trips was meeting a lot of people from across this great nation. I, like a lot of people, have primarily lived in the cocoon of the southeastern United States and had a lot of preconceived ideas about people from other regions of our country. These trips have taught me that in reality people are just people no matter if they are from Athens, AL, from a small town in Northern California, a crossroads town in Nebraska or Wyoming or even from other countries. I loved meeting these people from different regions and hearing their stories. I found out in a lot of cases they are, well, a lot like me! My travels have also caused me to stop appreciate a lot more the natural things we have in this great nation and to reevaluate my passion for how we as a country need to be vigilant about preserving and protecting these natural places from development, but rather leave them in their natural state to be enjoyed by the generations that follow. My plan, if the Lord allows, is to travel more this next year. One trip I am already planning to take is a week to travel the Blue Ridge Parkway to explore the Appalachian Mountains that make up the route along the Parkway. I am also considering a trip through the New England states which will include road tripping through Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire and probably Upstate New York. I am thankful that I have been able to do these trips because they have helped tremendously in helping me navigate the loss of my bride. They have each seemed to come at just the right time when I needed to get away and clear my mind. I look forward to closing out this year because of the heartbreak, but I am also thankful that God has slowly helped me begin to rediscover joy in life these last months. I find peace in this joy because I know it is what Kim wanted for me and I know the joy that these experiences have brought is exactly she desired for me. I have enjoyed sharing these journeys with those that have followed my exploits on social media and now through taking time to read my ramblings through these blog entries.
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In the year and a half that followed Kim’s diagnosis, we experienced many valleys. Watching the effects of the chemotherapy and radiation take its physical effects of my bride’s body was one of the most excruciating things to see take place. There were many days that she and I wondered if this poison that use to treat this hellish disease was not worse than the disease, but in true Kim style she faced it with great courage and confidence that she would win the battle. I say battle because as it would turn out over the next 12 years, she fought a war with cancer. From sickness, nausea, hair loss, weakness and weight loss she faced each thing with the confidence that she would win and she did win this first battle. In May 2015, the treatments were complete, she rang the bell and the scans that would follow confirmed this battle was won! Now the marathon of 5 years, to be declared cancer free would begin. In the midst of this first battle, I had a bout with a new disease that attacked me. Not one of a physical nature, but mental. I entered a season of life as Kim went through treatment where I battled extreme depression and anxiety. I had never given depression a lot credence quit frankly, but God quickly made it clear to me that depression was indeed all too real. I will not share further here about my personal battle with depression in this writing, but will dedicate time to that in a later entry at some point because I think it is something that should not be whispered about because it is a very real disease that should be dealt with as a disease and not just as someone being “weak”. During that 5 year marathon as Kim moved toward what we prayed would be a declaration of being declared cancer free, each scan brought with it much trepidation, but during the next five years hope grew until we reached 5 year mark in 2019. We celebrated with our immediate family! Victory in this battle had been realized! The greatest foe she had ever faced had been met with Kim’s competitive spirit and defeated. Relief would be the understatement of the year! From 2019 to 2022 life was filled with renewed life, a feeling of rebirth and a new sense of enjoying life. We learned that life was fleeting and should be enjoyed in every moment and we did just that as we celebrated each year without cancer being a constant stalker. As I think of those years, they were some of the most joy filled in our 34 years because of this renewal that God had blessed my bride with in this victory. When God brings you through these moments, you learn to laugh more. You learn to enjoy the small things in life that maybe before used to be looked at as insignificant. You learn to embrace life even more because you were given a personal glimpse of the fragility of life. Kim’s joy in living increased so much and I took such joy in watching this process take place in the life of my bride and felt blessed to be able to experience it with her. She took what was dreadful and painful and used it to be a source of encouragement to others. Her story through this battle would be one that would bring hope to others facing what she had faced. I watched with great joy as her faith in our Lord increased and grew through this experience. In all of her experiences with cancer up to her home going in February of this year, her faith never wavered. She never questioned the love God had for her. Looking back, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for those years without watching her wage war with cancer. In October 2022, almost to the day of that dreadful day in 2013 battle number two would begin to be waged. Annual mammogram would reveal a new cancer in her other breast. I say new because defying odds, it was a totally different type of cancer unrelated to the first one. We had been down this road before and after initial tears and sorrow at a new diagnosis, she would gird up with that same gritty determination and say let’s get busy and beat this thing. Much like the last time, harsh chemo and 35 rounds of radiation would follow and a year later, scans and test would reveal that once again this battle was won and the Lord would deliver my bride again from the clutches of this hellish disease. Once again her courage and determination was off the charts. I suppose, I will never not be in awe of her courage and confidence that she would win the second battle. The grace with which she handled these first two battles was and is truly inspiring. As always, I pray that the journey we walked has and will bring glory to the Lord and be a source of encouragement to others.
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October 11, 2013 is a day etched into my mind and heart that would shape the next 12 years of mine and Kim’s marriage. A few weeks before this date annual mammogram had a revealed a spot in Kim’s breast, but at that time the hope was that it would be something benign. Her doctor quickly scheduled her for a biopsy to hopefully rule out cancer. During the week after the biopsy, Kim and I talked and decided that the doctor would call me with the results of the biopsy. On October 11, 2013, that fateful call would come. The biopsy revealed that Kim had a small growth in her right breast that was indeed cancerous. I was working at UPS in Huntsville at the time as a supervisor and immediately dropped what I was doing to go home and share this news with my bride. To say that 19 mile drive was the longest drive of my life was an understatement. As I drove home with eyes filled with tears and a heart that was broken for my bride, I grappled with how to share this dreadful news with her. When I walked through the door that early afternoon, she immediately knew because of the hour that I arrived home unannounced that the news was not what we wanted to hear. As I shared the news with Kim, we both sobbed like we never had before. Her confidence and determination quickly to hold of the situation and the mood turned from sobbing to, “Ok, we got to get a plan to whip this disease”. Over the next weeks, we would begin to meet with her oncologist at CCI in Huntsville and with Dr Richard Matthews, her breast doctor through this whole journey, to formulate a plan. More biopsies would be done to determine if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes and the results again were not what we wanted to hear because the nodes were indeed involved. Our oncology team went into action quickly with an aggressive plan of chemotherapy which would last for what seemed like forever. The drugs they would use were some of the harshest they could prescribe, but they were what was needed at the time to beat this thing back. The sickness involved with this treatment was brutal, but Kim in true Kim fashion would face it head on with the courage of a brave soldier. Upon completing this round of treatment, she would undergo 35 rounds of targeted radiation treatment. This process would go on for approximately 9-10 months. After completing the treatments, she would undergo a lumpectomy and would have the lymph nodes involved removed.. When all was said and done, the treatments had done their job while taking a physical toll on my Bride, but again in true Kim fashion she recovered and life got back to normal. Well, as normal as it can within that 5 year window of getting 6 month scans to verify the cancer had not returned. Ultimately, we were able to celebrate that 5 year window in summer of 2015. We learned so many things during this first journey of her battle with cancer. I learned that I was married to the most courageous woman ever! Her attitude through the whole ordeal was amazing. It would have been easy to give up or feel sorry for yourself, but she never did during this first battle. She tried and pushed herself to keep things as normal as she could mainly for me and the girls because I also saw reinforced what I already knew about Kim and that was that she was one of the most unselfish people I have ever know. She was always thinking of others even when she would have been in her rights to focus on herself exclusively. Kim and I learned to love God more deeply and experienced the faithfulness of God in a way that we had never experienced. The years following would still involve many appointments, scans and tests, but confidence would grow that this monster had been defeated. In those years we learned to love life more because we had been given an intense glimpse of how fragile life truly can be. When I think of those days, our love for one another grew immensely. We truly lived and experienced how God can take tragedy and turn it for His glory and our goodness.
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In the coming weeks, I will begin to share about Kim’s courageous journey as she battled cancer and our experience in traveling that roller coaster journey. In this writing though, I want to just share some things we experienced and some lessons we learned during our 34 1/2 wonderful years together. Over our nearly three and half decades of wedded bliss we were able to experience so many things. We experienced times of great joy and great tragedy together and through it all our love for one another never faltered and for that I am so thankful. Of course we experienced so many things involving our girls that brought so much joy and made many memories during our marriage. From the vacations spent together as a family to being part of their extracurricular school activities, they were all filled with great memories. Our favorite vacations were those spent at the beach. Kim’s happy place was the beach. My fondest memories spent with my bride at the beach didn’t involve expensive restaurants or fancy destinations, but rather it was the hours we would spend together under an umbrella with our favorite tunes playing, eating a simple picnic lunch and reading books together just watching the ocean waves. Kim and I also loved taking short trips to places off the beaten path like to one of our favorite cabins in the woods in his of Tennessee or just a day of hitting some antique shops and grabbing lunch together. We would also spend countless hours with one another watching college football together whether it was attending in person, gathered with family & friends or just us in the comfort of our living room with a pot of her delicious chicken stew or chili. Much of the joy of our marriage was spent with our church family. Our faith as a couple was a huge part of our life. We loved attending church together and worshiping together. As a pastor, I could have never asked for a better pastor’s wife than Kim. Kim loved her church family and her church family loved her. I will never be able to repay my church family for the way they loved her especially during her multiple battles with cancer and the way they loved my family in the days following her passing. During our marriage, one of the first and greatest tragedies that we would experience together was the loss of my dad. She was a pillar of strength for me during that time. We shed a lot tears together during those days and she was my greatest source of strength other than the Lord during those days. We learned so much together about the faithfulness of our Lord through my dad’s passing. People say that you learn the most not on the mountaintops of life, but in the valleys of life and I suppose that is true to a great extent, but we also learned to appreciate the joys of the mountaintop experiences because we learned so much about the God’s faithfulness in the valleys. After Kim’s first diagnosis in October 2013 through her final days in February 2025, we learned the great lesson to appreciate the good days so much more and not to take them for granted. We learned to laugh together a lot more and bask in the blessings of each moment that God blessed us with especially during those years. Even with the valley experiences, I would define our marriage with one word – joy! Joy because we learned to love deeper with every day. We learned to appreciate even the smallest of things experienced together. We learned to laugh together more and anyone that knew Kim, knew that beaming smile (she would smile even when most people would have been down trodden or even bitter) and infectious laugh. We learned that many of the small things that stress us out were really not that big of a deal. I hear many couples bemoan having to do this or that with their spouse. Kim and I legitimately loved just being together and experiencing all of life together. Whether it was a cruise across the Gulf of Mexico (America) or a simple breakfast date at Waffle House, we treasured every moment and now I treasure them even more. Over the next couple of writings, I plan to share our experiences as a couple as we navigated multiple cancer diagnoses and ultimately the last diagnosis that we learned would likely not end with remission or a cure. As I prepare for these next few blog posts, I am approaching them with prayer because in a way it will be like reliving those moments. It will involve heartache, but also a recollection of how faithful God was to us and how deep our relationship grew because it would involve us truly living out our wedding vows that we took on that evening of August 17, 1990. As I share these upcoming posts, I will not be doing it to garner sympathy, but rather to hopefully share a glimpse into the undying love that we had for one another and hopefully encourage others that may read these post. My overarching goal in all of this is to bring glory to our God. I do ask that you pray for me over the coming days as I prepare to share these moments with the world and that I would first honor the Lord with my words and honor my precious bride.
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After our oldest daughter, Lillian, was born we decided it was time to grow our family by one more. On April 11, 2002, Olivia Caroline would make her entrance into this world. Our girls were 10 years apart, primarily as I shared earlier because Kim had very hard pregnancies. This wide gap though would provide many blessings. Our first ten years with just Lillian was such a blessing and this gap also allowed us to enjoy each girl’s extracurricular activities and experiences. For Lillian, it was the high school band. We followed her to many football games, concerts, the parade at Disney World and of course many band competitions. Over those years, we made many lifetime friends and enjoyed watching her grow from the many experiences of being part of the band. With Olivia, it was athletics. She played basketball and softball. Until she was a sophomore she played both and then decided to concentrate on softball. We followed Olivia around to many gymnasiums, ball parks, travel tournaments and she was blessed to receive a scholarship to play softball at Calhoun Community College as a pitcher until she suffered a shoulder injury that would end her softball career. Our girls were the joy of lives and still are my joy. They both have become very successful in life and more than anything they are just good young women and continue to make me very proud. Kim and I tried to instill in our girls a drive to be faithful to our Lord, faithful to His church, the concept of hard work, a sense of independence, a desire to be kind to others, generous hearts and to always enjoy life and have fun while living it. Kim and I always strived to make our home one that while having structure and discipline, but we also desired make it a place of sanctuary for our girls and their friends. Kim and I always desired that our girls never had a doubt that we loved them and always wanted the best for them and I believe we succeeded in this endeavor. I found so much joy as a husband and a father watching Kim just being a mom. She just had that “it” when it came to being a mom. She was always a source of strength and encouragement while never shying away from instilling discipline in our girls. She was so skilled in having the hard conversation with our girls and even their friends, but the conversation would always end with them never doubting for a minute that they were loved. Our journey as parents was one filled with joy and thankfulness to God for our girls and now for our grandchildren, John Patton and Molly Caroline. Did we make mistakes as parents? You bet we did! I believe if you are active as a parent in your children’s lives, you will make a mistake or two along the way. It is in those moments that you still get to teach your children about humbleness and a willingness to learn from your mistakes. We were protective of our girls, but we also were firm believers that you have to let your children enjoy life as they grow up. We gave them freedom to experience life and then when life would throw them a curveball, we wanted to be the first ones to pick them up, dust them off and help them learn from said curveball. Kim and I found joy in not sheltering our kids from this world because we knew that one day they would face this world head on. We believed it to be our job to prepare them to face this world and be successful while navigating it. We also, never wanted our girls to ever doubt for one minute that the love that Kim and I had for each other superseded our love for anyone else (other than the Lord). As parents, Kim and I believed that one of the greatest gifts we could give our girls outside of introducing them to their Lord was to teach them what love looked like between a husband and wife. Other than the joy of my salvation, the greatest joy in my life was found in spending time with my bride. Again, we did this because we loved one another more up to the day my bride went to heaven than we did as newly weds. I believe our girls know this and found joy in seeing us love one another. Finally, if I could sum up mine and Kim’s journey as parents (which never ends by the way) it would be with the word JOY. We found joy in the journey of raising our girls and then joy in watching them flourish as they grew into young ladies that were ready to face this world with confidence and strength.
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I wanted to spend time in this post sharing about mine and Kim’s faith journey as a couple. I will get back next week to sharing about our journey of joy in welcoming Olivia or as Kim and I referred to her (even to this day) “The Baby Girl” and our journey raising two wonderful daughters. I would be remiss though if I didn’t share about our journey of faith. Kim and I both were raised in church and both come from generations of faithful believers and servants in and of Jesus Christ. Many may think that because I am a pastor that our marriage was one that had always been defined by our faith, but in the first 3 years of our marriage we did not make serving and worshiping our Lord a priority. Like many young couples, we busied ourselves with many things that while for the most part were enjoyable, but we were not where we should have been where our dedication to worshipping and serving the Lord was concerned. We were what I would call “Easter Bunny” and “Santa Claus” church members. In other words, you would see us at church on Easter, Christmas and usually Mother’s Day. We really had no reason for not consistently attending church, worshipping and serving the Lord other than we just became very lazy where our faith was concerned. Simply put, for the first three years of our marriage it was tragically not important. In 1992 our first daughter Lillian was born and we still didn’t think it a priority to make sure our daughter was raised in church with same opportunity to know the Lord as Kim and I had been given the opportunity to do. Thankfully that all changed in the spring of 1993. I am thankful for a godly mama! My mom, Connie, called me one Saturday evening that Spring and asked to carry Lillian to church with her the next morning. Shamefully, I was wrongly “offended” and told my precious mama, no. She responded with, “Your daughter should have the same opportunity to know the Lord as you and Kim had when you were young” and I remember I had no response and the conversation ended. Over the next day or two, Kim and I begin to talk about that fateful phone call and fell under great conviction that my mama was right! To say I am thankful for a mama that loved me enough to tell me the truth and confront me about my lack of faithfulness to the Lord is an understatement. For the first time, as a young father and husband, I realized that it was my responsibility to lead my family spiritually and that needed to begin with attending worship. We would begin this renewed journey of faith in April of 1993 the very next Sunday after that phone call by attending worship at Sardis Springs Baptist Church. Kim had attended First Baptist Athens and I attended Fairview Baptist until we were married. We decided to start fresh in a new church and Sardis Springs is where we started. I will never forget that first Sunday. I was overwhelmed first by grief that I had failed my family up to that point in leading them spiritually. Secondly, I felt a great sense of the Lord’s grace and forgiveness as I committed myself that day to do my best to be a godly husband and father. The Monday night after that Sunday, Billie and Angie Blackburn visited us to just invite us to their Sunday School class and give us a Sunday School book. We begin attending Sunday School the following Sunday and Billie & Angie became great examples and mentors for Kim and me. I will always be thankful for their impact on us as a couple and for Billie’s impact on me falling in love with teaching God’s word. Billie gave me my first opportunity to teach in his absence one Sunday and I knew very quickly that I wanted to grow in my study of God’s word and spend my life teaching His word, although being a pastor was not on my radar. Kim found her niche and calling in children’s ministry by working in the children’s department and ultimately becoming the Vacation Bible School director not only at Sardis Springs, but would continue that role for many years at Belmor where I have pastored the last 25 1/2 years until her illness caused her to have to give it up. We would also serve as volunteer youth ministers at Sardis Springs for several years. Those years in youth ministry were some of the most rewarding of our early faith journey. We grew to love so many of those teenagers in our ministry as our own and still love them to this day. I was given the opportunity to serve as a deacon at Sardis Springs from 1997 to 2000 at which time the Lord called me to the pastorate. I began wrestling with the Lord in the spring of 1999 with God’s call on my life to serve as a pastor. For several months only Kim and I knew of this struggle and she was such a support and prayer warrior for me during those months. In late October of 1999, I told Kim that I was ready to surrender my life to the call God had placed on me. I will forever be thankful for her prayers and encouragement. I am also thankful for the prayers and encouragement of my Mama & Daddy and my Papa (Schrimsher) during the last couple months before publicly surrendering to the call to the gospel ministry. They were the only other people other than Kim that I had discussed it with before surrendering publicly. My first opportunity to preach would come in November of 1999 when Mike Henderson called and asked me to preach at Belmor Baptist Church one Sunday because they were without a pastor. Over the next three and half months I would preach pretty regularly at Belmor and in March of 2000 I formally submitted my resume’ to be the pastor of Belmor Baptist Church. I would ultimately serve my first Sunday as the pastor of Belmor Baptist Church on March 26, 2000. I have continued to serve my precious church over these last 25 years and 8 months. I don’t think I could serve a better church than Belmor. Kim and I quickly fell in love with our new church and they have treated my family with overwhelming love and grace these 25 plus years. For 24 years and 11 months, Kim faithfully served by my side as the best pastor’s wife a pastor could ever hope to have at his side. She was my confidant, my counselor, my accountability partner and partner in faith those many years. To say that I have missed her companionship in this area would be a gross understatement. I find myself many times wishing I had access to her counsel and wisdom, but I am thankful to be able to glean from her many previous years of faithful counsel and wisdom. During her illness and ultimate home going, my church has loved on me and been such a great source of refuge and comfort in a way that I could never hope repay. Looking back over our 34 1/2 years of marriage, I am thankful that most of it was spent serving the Lord together. We would often look back with thankfulness to that phone call from my precious Mama many years ago as a catalyst to our renewed and continuing faith journey. Of all the things in mine and Kim’s marriage, I am most thankful for the opportunity to serve the Lord with my bride by my side. After observing her many years of faithful service to the Lord and His church, I am confident that my bride was greeted by our Lord with the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. She finished well and that should be the goal of every believer. Gosh!, I miss her partnership in ministry, but I do not begrudge her faith becoming sight on that early morning of February 21, 2025 and I am confident because of the saving grace of the Lord we serve, that one day I will see her beautiful smile again in all of it’s glorious perfection.
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Our first two years of marriage were times of happiness and joy. We didn’t have all the riches that life could offer and even had moments of challenge. One thing that was never a challenge was our relationship. Yes, we like most young married couples had the typical financial concerns from time to time, but really nothing major. We were still discovering the things about each other’s habits that come when you begin a life together. My contention is that until you begin to live day in and day out with a person you really don’t know them! We had the typical adjustments to each others ways that even after five years of dating that we did not know because until the day we were married, we both lived at home with our parents which I believe made for an even greater adventure because there was mystery left to be discovered in our relationship. We committed ourselves to making our marriage one of a partnership. In any good partnership there are defined roles. We had our roles within the marriage and it worked out great. After two years of marriage, we decided it was time for us to start our family and on April 24, 1992 we welcomed our first child, Lillian Claire to the world. We were over the moon filled with joy! When it came to birth of both of our girls, we decided not to find out whether we were having a boy or girl. Kim said that the birth of a child and finding out if your child was a boy or girl at the time of birth was one of purest surprises that life has for us and she wanted to experience that with both instances of our children being born. Kim’s journey through pregnancy was an adventure in and of itself. She suffered extreme sickness (primarily extreme vomiting) through the entire pregnancy. It was so bad that she required home health assistance through both of her pregnancies. It was during these nine months that I learned just how tough my bride was and how she had a never quit attitude. We endured a lot of tough days during those months, but unknown to me those months would prepare me for taking care of my bride as we would navigate her journey of battling cancer. She and I both would tell you though that every moment of the harshness of those 9 months leading up to the birth of our first born was so worth it. Lillian was born in Decatur General Hospital and I remember Kim & I were filled with joy overflowing and we were scared to death!!…lol. From the very beginning, Kim was such a natural when it came to being a mama. I was amazed as a young dad watching my wife grow into a mom and the way she nurtured and did such an amazing job raising our girls. Lillian of course was the first grandchild for our parents which made this moment in our marriage even more special. Kim and I found such joy in being parents. We made the decision early on that Kim would stay home with our children when they were born until they began preschool or kindergarten. Kim would say through the years that though, we could have had much more materially, nothing could replace the time she would spend with our girls in those early years. When Lillian was about 2 1/2 years old, the doctors discovered that she had condition called Diastematomyelia or in simpler terms Split Cord Malformation. This scared the crap out of us! Without sharing a lot of detail here, this condition basically causes a portion of the spinal cord to split and it normally affects the development and growth of one leg and/or foot and this was the case with Lillian. We made many trips to Children’s Hospital in Birmingham over the first 14-15 years of Lillian’s life. Lillian endured 3 major surgeries, two of which were spinal surgeries. She came through them like a champ and today is a wonderful wife and mother to our two grandchildren (more on the grands later of course!). As parents, we made sure that we instilled in not only Lillian, but also Olivia that we must persevere through adversity and wow did Lillian do this! She would go on to be a huge part of her high school marching band as a majorette and a part of the concert band. She would go on to marry Brandon and as I said earlier is a wonderful mom and wife. Kim and I found so much joy in becoming parents and sharing our life with Lillian as our marriage adventure was still young. Kim would often tell young mothers to savor those early years of being a mom, but in reality Kim savored being a mom her entire life as a parent! After a few years, we decided to build a house and we were blessed to be able to build on a piece of property that was part of my families farm that had been in my family for several generations. We moved into our new home in August of 1997 and it is the place that I still call home today. We enjoyed the process of building and I even more so now because my dad built our home and it allowed me to spend many hours with him working to build our home. We would make so many memories in our new home and those memories hold such a special place in my heart today and I’m sure there will be many more to be made in the future. Kim and I always wanted and strived to make our home a home filled with love, fun and joy and I think we accomplished this goal in large part thanks to her skill of making a house a home. A home where our girls always felt safe and loved. A home where their friends could always be welcomed and feel the love that our home contained. Kim and I were always so thankful for the countless hours spent as parents. I am so thankful for the nearly 28 years Kim and I spent in this house. Of course today, it is much different without her physical presence here with me, but every room here in this house is filled with her touch in some way and I suppose it will remain that way from now on.
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The journey shared so far has included first dates, courtship, the proposal and the wedding. Kim and I were married on a Friday evening at 6:00pm on August 17, 1990 at First Baptist Church, Athens, AL. Our wedding was a beautiful wedding, but yet simple. Kim and I loved the word “simple”. Yes, we loved adventure as a couple and loved to travel, try new things, try new types of food, meet new people and just enjoyed life together as a couple. From the very start we believed that marriage should be an adventure enjoyed together. While we both had things we enjoyed doing alone or with friends, our marriage was pretty much defined by doing things together. Normally if you saw one of us, you saw the other one. We genuinely loved being with each other and we were happiest when we were together. Our marriage started very simply from a financial, home and things perspective. For example, even our honeymoon was simple. We escaped for 3 days in the mountains of Gatlinburg. Some would say, “3 days, that’s it?”…lol. Well, it was three days because I had just been promoted from a part time position with UPS as a truck loader to a full time driver and had to report to work the following Wednesday after our wedding on Friday!! We thought nothing of it because it was just what we had to do. We didn’t start in an extravagant house, but started our life together in a small mobile home, but we were so happy with our home because we were together as husband and wife. This attitude defined our marriage for 34 wonderful years. I worked for UPS and Kim worked at First Alabama Bank & life was good! From the very beginning, Kim made our house a home (there is a difference in just a house and it being a home). We shared so many memories in those first two years before God would bless us with our first daughter Lillian. Most of those memories were just simple things but they were defined by love, laughs and fun. Again, we didn’t require a lot to be happy as long as we were together. Whether it was just an evening watching TV or listening to music or a night out with friends for dinner, we had fun! Now did we ever argue or fuss? Oh heck yeah we did a little, but we learned some things about those moments. First, when you fight, fight fair. Second, be careful with your words because they can hurt more than actions. Third, never go to sleep angry even it means you talk it out through the night and fourthly make up quickly (and always with a hug and a kiss) and move on with life. We learned to compromise and learned that most of the time what we were fussing about was in reality pretty silly in the end. Thankfully those moments were VERY few and far between. I know so many couples that seem to constantly live in a state of strife. I am so thankful, to have shared life with someone that understood that life is too short not to be enjoyed together in a state of happiness. Our early years were not defined by fine homes, fine cars, piles of money, luxuries, but rather discovering ways to make life more fun together. Could we have worked more hours to make more money early one in order to have all the material things that define so marriages? Well yes we could have done these things, but we decided very early on that material wealth and things could never define happiness in marriage. We valued our time together and now that my bride is in heaven, I am so thankful for the humble beginnings of our marriage. I am thankful for the quite nights at home, cooking a meal together, watching TV or a movie in our VCR (streaming did not exist then…lol), valuing romance and continuing to “date” each other. Those are moments that you can’t replace with stuff or money. They are priceless and especially now. I look forward in the next few weeks sharing about our life when our girls came along. If you read this, you may think, “Well there was nothing really extraordinary about our early years”. I would vehemently disagree if that is your thinking, because we enjoyed the one commodity that life gives that can never be replaced, bought or relived – time. Our time spent those early years are etched in my memory never to be erased or forgotten because it was spent with my best friend, my lover and my bride. Just wow, the memories we made together as newlyweds!! Until my next writing, get out there and enjoy life with the one you love!!
Thoughts of a Sojourner 