Thoughts of a Sojourner

In the year and a half that followed Kim’s diagnosis, we experienced many valleys. Watching the effects of the chemotherapy and radiation take its physical effects of my bride’s body was one of the most excruciating things to see take place. There were many days that she and I wondered if this poison that use to treat this hellish disease was not worse than the disease, but in true Kim style she faced it with great courage and confidence that she would win the battle. I say battle because as it would turn out over the next 12 years, she fought a war with cancer. From sickness, nausea, hair loss, weakness and weight loss she faced each thing with the confidence that she would win and she did win this first battle. In May 2015, the treatments were complete, she rang the bell and the scans that would follow confirmed this battle was won! Now the marathon of 5 years, to be declared cancer free would begin. In the midst of this first battle, I had a bout with a new disease that attacked me. Not one of a physical nature, but mental. I entered a season of life as Kim went through treatment where I battled extreme depression and anxiety. I had never given depression a lot credence quit frankly, but God quickly made it clear to me that depression was indeed all too real. I will not share further here about my personal battle with depression in this writing, but will dedicate time to that in a later entry at some point because I think it is something that should not be whispered about because it is a very real disease that should be dealt with as a disease and not just as someone being “weak”. During that 5 year marathon as Kim moved toward what we prayed would be a declaration of being declared cancer free, each scan brought with it much trepidation, but during the next five years hope grew until we reached 5 year mark in 2019. We celebrated with our immediate family! Victory in this battle had been realized! The greatest foe she had ever faced had been met with Kim’s competitive spirit and defeated. Relief would be the understatement of the year! From 2019 to 2022 life was filled with renewed life, a feeling of rebirth and a new sense of enjoying life. We learned that life was fleeting and should be enjoyed in every moment and we did just that as we celebrated each year without cancer being a constant stalker. As I think of those years, they were some of the most joy filled in our 34 years because of this renewal that God had blessed my bride with in this victory. When God brings you through these moments, you learn to laugh more. You learn to enjoy the small things in life that maybe before used to be looked at as insignificant. You learn to embrace life even more because you were given a personal glimpse of the fragility of life. Kim’s joy in living increased so much and I took such joy in watching this process take place in the life of my bride and felt blessed to be able to experience it with her. She took what was dreadful and painful and used it to be a source of encouragement to others. Her story through this battle would be one that would bring hope to others facing what she had faced. I watched with great joy as her faith in our Lord increased and grew through this experience. In all of her experiences with cancer up to her home going in February of this year, her faith never wavered. She never questioned the love God had for her. Looking back, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for those years without watching her wage war with cancer. In October 2022, almost to the day of that dreadful day in 2013 battle number two would begin to be waged. Annual mammogram would reveal a new cancer in her other breast. I say new because defying odds, it was a totally different type of cancer unrelated to the first one. We had been down this road before and after initial tears and sorrow at a new diagnosis, she would gird up with that same gritty determination and say let’s get busy and beat this thing. Much like the last time, harsh chemo and 35 rounds of radiation would follow and a year later, scans and test would reveal that once again this battle was won and the Lord would deliver my bride again from the clutches of this hellish disease. Once again her courage and determination was off the charts. I suppose, I will never not be in awe of her courage and confidence that she would win the second battle. The grace with which she handled these first two battles was and is truly inspiring. As always, I pray that the journey we walked has and will bring glory to the Lord and be a source of encouragement to others.