Thoughts of a Sojourner

A quote by Pastor John Piper that I read very early during my grieving process goes as follows: “Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.” The process of grieving is just that…a process. Some things I have discovered in my process of grieving are that grief looks different, feels different and is handled different for each person that is navigating the journey of grief. When listening and talking to others about their own personal grief journey, I am very careful not to tell them “how” they should be navigating their process because there really is no common way to navigate grief. I have learned this through years of ministry as a pastor, but more importantly because I now have real world, personal experience in this journey. I would encourage everyone reading this entry to be very careful about critiquing how someone appears to be walking their grief journey. Situations are different because the death of a loved one can take many forms. It can depend on many things. At times it occurs suddenly and unexpectedly. It may come after a long, grueling illness. It may come tragically or it may come in the form of relief that brings an end to extreme suffering for one that you love. Any way that this death occurs there will still be grieving to have to process through for the one(s) left behind. “So what about your journey Keith?” you may ask because after all that is what I am writing about in this blog. First I will tell you that I am still navigating the process. The process of course looks and feels different at this point than it did a 11 months ago, 6 months ago and even a month ago. I can tell you from a personal standpoint my faith in the Lord and more importantly God’s faithfulness have been and continue to be the things that sustain and strengthen me the most. I have thought and continue to think on this question: “How would Kim have wanted me to handle losing her?”. I reflect on this question often because Kim and I talked about my life after her presence here often especially during that last year of her life. Our relationship was one built on trust, openness about our feelings and reality. I am so thankful we had those talks now even though they were hard to talk about when she was still with me. I am thankful because of how it has helped me to learn how to live life today in this present place I find myself. Going back to the quote I shared in the beginning of this post, I want to share a few things of how I have seen myself live out the things mentioned in the words of John Piper. First, concerning “weeping deeply over the life you hoped for..”, trust me, I have shed many tears in the last 11 months and 14 days. The weeping varied and still varies in intensity, length of weeping and reasons for weeping. One thing is for sure and that is that tears are for healing of the emotions and the physical well being of the individual. Secondly, “..grieve the losses..” Grief is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as:”Pain of mind on account of something in the past”. On a personal level, I’m not sure my grief over Kim will ever end as long as the Lord allows me to have a mind that remembers our love for one another. I do believe that as time marches on that grief looks and will look different. Grief does not always involve tears and extreme sadness. It will at times involve these things of course, but it may also come in the form of a smile or a laugh when thinking about certain things that would have brought a smile or laugh from her or both of us together. Remember grief is different for everyone! Thirdly, “…wash your face..” reminds me that there was a point when I had to arise out of the time of shutting down emotionally. When I think of “…wash your face..”, I am reminded of the biblical narrative of King David in how he handled the loss of his first child that died from 2 Samuel 12:15-24. verse 20 in this passage says, “Then David arose from the earth and washed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped…”. In this, I also know that Kim’s desire was that I move to a point of “arising and washing my face”. What does this mean to me though? It simply means I had to reach a point that I had to arise and set my face on the future with the faith that God still has a plan for my life and much life to yet live. Fourthly, “…trust God..” is perhaps the most important principle expressed in the quote. Kim and I trusted God throughout her battle with cancer. I can honestly say that I have not felt angry with God during this whole process, but I have asked the “why questions” during her illness and after her passing. Why did my bride get this disease? Why is my wife having to endure this suffering? Why did you choose to take my bride at this stage of our life? These are just a sampling of the questions. I don’t believe there is any sin in asking God why, but we also should rest in our faith that God is not surprised by anything in our life. He is absolutely sovereign over every aspect and in that I have found and continue to find great comfort. In thinking about this trust of God, the place that I came to was that I have absolute trust in the fact that February 21, 2025 at 2:15am was the perfect time for my wife to go to heaven. Perfect because it was the moment that our sovereign Lord chose to bring her home to His presence. Did that perfect timing of God mean that it didn’t bring great pain and distress? NO! It did hurt, but as time went on the reality is that I didn’t lose Kim. I know exactly where she is right now and I know that in the time of God’s sovereign choosing I will see her again. Is there still pain concerning her not being here with me? Sure there is still pain, but the balm of God’s peace that He gives me soothes that pain more as each day passes. Finally, “…And embrace life..” is where I am living right now. In losing my bride, I have come to realize in an intense way that God has given me the blessing of life today and each day that He allows me to walk the topside of this world. As I have shared earlier, Kim was adamant in those final talks that we had that I get through the initial grieving and then get back to living. Life is fleeting! The Bible tells us that it is like a vapor. It is here for a moment and then gone (James 4:14). I have determined to honor Kim’s wishes and embrace living life again! I have decided to quit putting off things that I have always wanted to do, experience and see. I have decided, as stated in previous posts, not to allow anyone else to determine my happiness in life and outside of God’s will & standards how I will live my life. Sadly, some people think that it is wrong for someone like me to be happy with life, to rediscover joy and embrace life in general as disrespecting Kim’s memory, but actually it is honoring to her because again it was what she was adamant about concerning me and my life after she was no longer here with me. How do I handle such people and situations? Very simply I just don’t give them opportunity to give me any more “advice” on how I should grieve or live my life. Life is too short and has too much joy to be experienced to allow such negativity to be in your life. I guess to summarize all of this I will just put it like this: How much do I miss my bride? I miss her more than words can express! Even though I miss her, I am content with where God has me right now in this stage of my life. I am embracing life and try to find joy in life every day. I seek opportunities to try new things. I embrace those things that I am passionate about whether it has to do with my faith walk or with my hobbies and interests. I look forward and I am thankful for every new day that God allows me to see and want to experience each day like it is my last day!