Thoughts of a Sojourner

I have not posted in a couple of weeks because I knew today’s date was coming up and I knew I would want to share my thoughts. On this date, one year ago at 2:15am, my life would be shaken to its core. My precious bride of 34 1/2 years went home to be with her Lord. I have had many texts and calls today which have been a great encouragement. I’ve shared with several people that while today is for sure a somber day, I also am very thankful to our Lord that He blessed me with 39 1/2 years (we dated for 5 years) with such a beautiful (inside and out) wife. Kim and I enjoyed life together so much and made so many memories together. I could spend hours just writing about all the adventures we shared during our marriage. As I said in a previous post, I knew from the very beginning that I had found the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and God made that happen. I have come to realize in this year how blessed I was to have a 34 year journey with such a woman as Kimberly Michelle Crouch. There are so many things that I miss, I suppose it would take me all night to list them all. I do want to share a few of them though. For you that knew Kim well, some of these will bring a smile and hopefully even laughter. I miss just the sound of her voice in our home. I miss the way she would say my name and would say “I love you”. Even after 34 years of marriage it still melted my heart to hear those words. I don’t think we ever parted ways that we didn’t tell each other that we loved one another. Even the night she passed away, as she laid back down in the bed minutes before she passed, we told each other that we loved each other. I would not take all the riches the world offers in exchange for those few seconds. I miss her sassiness and yes she could be sassy…lol. I miss her infectious laughter! If I were to be in a building of thousands of people, I could pick that laughter out in a second! I miss the moments when she would get exasperated with me and call me Bobby Joe (that was her “aggravated with me nickname” that she called me). I miss the being told, “You are a perpetual 12 year old boy” when I would get something on my shirt while eating or tear my clothes at work. In those moments she would also often say, “Your mother deserves many stars in her crown one day”…lol. I miss her cooking wizardry. Wow, she was probably the best cook I have ever known! I miss seeing her work her magic in the kitchen and then seeing her happy to watch others enjoy the results of her cooking skills. I miss those quiet evenings when we would just sit and watch episodes of our favorite TV show, Seinfeld, together. I miss those road trips to the beach with our family. I miss she and I singing duets to whatever tunes we happen to be playing. Our personal favorite was “Jackson” by Johnny and June Carter Cash. If you were one of daughter’s friends that had the privilege of making those trips with us, you were treated to this song! I miss those days when we would work in the garden or in her flowers together. Kim was a worker and much like her daddy, Billy, she was not very good at just sitting around doing nothing. I miss seeing the impact she had on the young children that she kept over the years along with the way she mentored a lot of those same young mothers of those children. I miss our time each week that we worshipped together with our church family and enjoyed our time with our Sunday School class. I miss hearing that sweet voice singing in our church choir. She loved to sing. She always said she would loved to be able to sing in a massive choir so I can’t fathom the thrill it must be for her to maybe be singing with the saints in glory, face to face with our Lord. I miss her encouraging words, her counsel, her discernment, her wisdom and her sweet spirit. I also miss her boldness even in the face of the disease that would eventually take her life. Even in her darkest days, she always lived with confidence and joy because she knew that in the end she would be victorious. I miss our dates! Yes we dated each other throughout our marriage. Whether it was a weekend away in a cabin in the hills of Tennessee, a Saturday morning breakfast date at a local Waffle House or dinner at one of our favorite restaurants followed by a movie, we cherished those moments together. I miss her competitive spirit! If you ever played a game with Kim, you know that she was a fierce competitor and played to win. I adored the way she loved our girls and poured herself into them. She was their greatest cheerleader no matter what they were participating in and she was all in to those activities. She loved being a band mom when Lillian was part of East Limestone High School’s band. She was one of those band moms that many of the kids gravitated to because she was not only fun, but they also knew she would shoot them straight and even straighten them out if they needed and they loved her for both of these reasons. She loved those weekends of band competitions and going to support our oldest baby girl. She then loved being that same way in being a softball mom for Olivia. Just like with band competitions, she traveled many miles to sit and cheer the babygirl on whether it was in the broiling heat of the summer or the chilly evenings of those early season games in February. As this day comes to a close and I reflect on this year, it has seemed very slow and at the same time very fast. As I visited the cemetery today and placed two of her favorites on the headstone (a bouquet of pink roses and a Diet Pepsi), sure I shed some tears because her being gone ripped a hole in my heart, but I was also overcome with thankfulness for the time we shared as husband and wife, best friends, lovers, confidants and parents. I am truly blessed to have called Kim my Bride and I am a better man today for God having placed us together as husband and wife on August 17, 1990. I have not lost my bride for I know exactly where she is this very moment and I long for the day that I will see her again with that beautiful smile in a glorified and heal state. Until then, I will do as she told me in one of our last conversations about life after she was gone. She told me not spend the rest of my life grieving, but to embrace and live life to the fullest. I believe in doing this I honor her memory the greatest. I will end this writing by saying this, “Until we meet again in glory at the time of our Lord’s choosing, I will always love you, my precious bride”.